Bereavement

Coping with the death of a loved one can be one of the most difficult challenges we face. It often raises profound spiritual questions and leaves us with a long-lasting ache and in need of care which goes beyond the funeral.

In our community, faith is an essential resource in coping with death and grief. We have experienced that hope rises when we support one another. Therefore, in service to our community St. Agnes Bereavement Ministry has been developed under the spiritual direction of Fr. Juan Carlos Paguaga, and the pastoral formation and training services in Grief Support offered by a collaborative team of bereavement professionals through MorningStar Renewal Center.

Our mission is to bring hope and live our faith as a community, especially in times of difficulty. We believe that times of grief do not have to be times of isolation or aloneness. When we grieve, we may be sad, lonely, angry, disillusioned, or even faithless, but we believe that however we feel we need not be alone. We are here to listen, to be with, to pray with and for you. We believe that when the people of the church are present, Christ is being present, and in this effort, we will discover that God is there, with us, especially in our grief.

St. Agnes Faith-based Peer Grief Support Group

Peer-to-Peer grief support group(s) offer a supportive and caring environment which foster acceptance, healing, and personal and spiritual growth.

We aim to create a sacred space where all are welcome to express themselves and listen to others express their losses in a supportive environment that honors and respects faith, culture, family, and personal experiences as related to the grief support process.

We aim at being a small community of faith and learning, with a focus on understanding grief, the grieving process, and how to support those dealing with losses of any kind.

Parish Companions provide one-on-one support for those who have lost a loved one.

When the parish receives notification of a death of someone closely related to a parishioner (i.e., mother, father, sibling, grandparent, in-laws), a Parish Companion is assigned and a letter from our pastor is sent to the parishioner.

A Parish Companion initiates contact with a note to the parishioner and continues contact for the next year. The Parish Companion communicates periodically (monthly, bimonthly, special occasions such as their birthday, the anniversary of the death, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.).

The parish has a special Mass and reception around All Souls' Day in November to remember loved ones who passed away the preceding year.

Parish Companions are encouraged to attend and participate (lector, Eucharistic Minister, etc.) at this Mass, and at Funeral Masses.

• Listen to one another with respect and without interrupting.
• Respect the feelings of other participants.
• Abstain from judgmental comments or questions.
• Promote trust and mutual self-esteem.
• Recognize that talking about death and loss may be challenging. We each take responsibility for self-care and for asking for professional help when appropriate.
• No Advice giving or Fixing. Speak from your experience. (Use "I Statements")
• We agree that this is not a forum for self-promotion, preaching or proselytizing.
• We agree to keep group discussions confidential.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Reinhold Niebuhr

Why does this model of grief support work across cultures?

• A multi-cultural model of grief support affirms the universality of the human suffering associated with loss, while supporting at the same time, specific cultural expressions of mourning.
• People who are indigenous to the culture and who know the traditions around mourning are recruited to be trained in a peer-group grief-support model.
• In the aftermath of natural disasters, economic hardship often precludes access to professional grief counselors. At the same time, trained peer-group grief-support facilitators live in the community and are always available.
• This model affirms that every faith group supports grief according to its theology, doctrine, culture, and tradition. Nevertheless, some expressions of spiritual support of the bereaved may not always be helpful. Training in understanding grief enhances the ability to integrate faith language in supporting the bereaved appropriately.
• In this model, faith is not a Band-Aid, but neither is faith discounted as a valuable resource for coping. Trained facilitators learn how to integrate faith and grief in ways that are not harmful or dysfunctional.
• This model offers long term grief support because those trained are not outsiders, but residents of the community.